New Palm Pre

WANT.

New Dell Adamo

WANT.

If Programming Languages are Religions

I received this comparison of programming languages to religions in my RSS feed 2 weeks ago, but since I was on vacation, I just marked it as read. Reading it back, I realise that it was utterly hilarious:

C would be Judaism – it’s old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can’t convert into it – you’re either into it from the start, or you will think that it’s insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity – it’s theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn’t feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it’s the best language in the world, but they’re willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity – Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it’s not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of “goto hell” was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam – It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It’s so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you’ll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism – At first glance, it’s the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it’s controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it’d probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn’t discriminate so much against you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism – There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach – if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it’s not a language at all; others say that it’s the only language that makes sense.

Haskell would be Taoism – It is so different from other languages that many people don’t understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it’s the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

Erlang would be Hinduism – It’s another strange language that doesn’t look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it’s built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

Perl would be Voodoo – An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

Lua would be Wicca – A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism – A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism: It’s simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism – There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it’s almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

APL would be Scientology – There are many people who claim to follow it, but you’ve always suspected that it’s a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism – An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don’t REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist…

The part about Haskell totally hits the spot. In UNSW, we had to learn Haskell in first year as a prelude into programming. Supposedly, it makes the most sense to start programming with Haskell, unlike Java and C. Up until now, I don’t know anyone who actively writes in Haskell. Talk about wasted learning.

* * * * *

Many of you might have read the news about internet disruption in Malaysia. Although the disruption started on Saturday, I could barely feel the difference on Sunday, and might not know anything about a disruption had I not read the news. However, yesterday I really felt the blow as my Digsby’s Facebook and Gmail connection keeps dropping out (usually happens with dialup-speed connection). I could barely access Wikipedia and Facebook up until now.

However, the torture I felt these past few days is nothing compared to how I felt when I read the news that Australian government is going to demand their ISPs to filter P2P and BitTorrent (news via @Templesmith). Seriously, how I would live without my downloads?

Oh MIMOS, When Will You Learn!

What’s better than calling your new ultra-portable Makcik PC (literally “Aunty PC”)? According to the dolts at MIMOS, it’s naming them after your prime minister and his new second wife.

That’s from the new article today, detailing that the i-Dola and Jean-i (I swear the italicised i’s are verbatim) are the new names for the laptop and PC version of the disastrously named Makcik PC. However, looking back to an earlier article in June, the names were simply Idola and Jen-ii. “Idola” even had a meaning (which I believe to be a backronym) of “Internet Device for Learning Applications”.

During the time when public’s opinion and trust on the reigning government is at all time low, when people are actually rallying for the PM to step down….NOT a good business idea.

How much more do you want to kiss the government’s ass? Even Proton, which was utterly the brainchild of Tun Dr Mahathir, never had a Proton CheDet (or something). I am very aware that MIMOS is government-owned, but in the long run, you don’t make money with grants. You make money from the consumers.

This doesn’t make sense in either the political, business or any aspects whatsoever!

Let me tell you where the basic marketing strategy of the Makcik PC fails.

looking sexy, aunty

I’ll start with detailing the specs of the PC, at least what has come out through the internet:

• Intel Atom Processor
• Solid-state Drive
• 16″ screen
• WiFi, WiMax and Bluetooth connection, with support for IPv6
• work with TV, so I’m assuming some sort of video port
• touchscreen
• weighs 800 gm
• apparently the slimmest PC in the world
• retailing at RM500-RM1000

To make it simple, even at a glance, those specs are good! Ultra-portables are all the rage now, and comparing these specs with its nearest competitor, the insanely successful EeePC, it’s a formidable competitor. Even the lightest EeePC is at 920 gm. It has a meagre 10″ screen, and costs at least RM1200. Considering iPhone is a success with its touchscreen, who wouldn’t want some swish tablet PC?

Compared to its engineering marvel, the marketing campaign was a debacle! To start of with, the ridiculously camp name. “Makcik”? It conjures a disturbing image of the nagging old crone with her sleeves of baju kurung rolled up selling nasi lemak, while her 3 kids are sitting in the van doing their homework.

NOT cool.

It is very noble of MIMOS to bridge the technological gap—between the old and the young, the rural and metro area—hence the target market of the PC, and the name. However, let’s face it, the major demographics of ultra-portables are cheapskate students, young professionals looking for second computers and modding enthusiasts. Why can’t we target these groups, get the money rolling in, and have a crusade to educate the less technologically-inclined all in parallel?

Please, start with a commercial name at least. Malay is such a beautiful language, can’t you find something else besides Makcik and faux-futurist names like i-Dola or Jean-i?

In fact, I shall be having my own crusade to rid Malaysia of any product names that has an i-suffix. That was so last decade, yo.

I’ll end with a link to Makcik PC’s website. See the horrendous banner? Now everyone can cyber.

FAIL.

When you think that this product was targeted towards housewives and the oldies…*shivers*

Fuck this shit. Hire me MIMOS, and I’ll sell these Makcik PC in shitloads.

The Trend Towards Ultra-Portables (or is it Netbook?)

My good friend Hawa had been contemplating for weeks to buy an EeePC. Her opinion was that the EeePC is small enough to bring to uni (and complements her svelte figure) while at the same time possesses big enough screen that she doesn’t have to squint her eyes while she surfs the free uni wi-fi or ahem, reads her soft-copy lectures notes.

However, just like any other tech-savvies, she hesitated. Because there’s always a chance of the technology becoming more common and cost-effective soon.

Today I gave her a big nudge by alerting her to the cheap-as sale of EeePC at Catch Of The Day. She was convinced and excited. A few minutes into the buying process, I made a big mistake.

I blurted out, “It seems everyone is making EeePC-like laptops nowadays, like Dell.”

She immediately freaked out, “Then I shouldn’t be getting the EeePC now!!”

It is true that EeePC-like laptops are all the rage now, with MSI releasing their Wind PC, Dell’s “mini-Inspiron”, HP’s Mini-Note and Acer’s Aspire One. The debate has even started on what to call this new category of laptops. “Subnotebook”? “Laptop-lite”?

While many challengers have stepped up to dethrone EeePC, chances are they won’t be in the market some time soon. EeePC is your best bet now if you’re, just like my friend Hawa, looking for ultra-small second laptops. It is currently the market benchmark, just like how iPod was in the hard-disk portable media player market.

Don’t be deterred by the meager 4 or 8GB solid-state drive, after all you can extend it with MMC and SD cards. Especially, don’t worry about the Linux-based operating system! Linux is not as complicated as the public made it to be.

In the end, Hawa did buy the EeePC. I call dibs on tinkering with it!