Can Children Ever Teach Us Religion?

I found this flyer stapled on the notice board of Yayasan Mohammad Noah Mosque in Genting:

The flyer was advertising five “little preachers” aged five to nine years old from Al Fateh Islamic School of in Batam, Indonesia. These “little preachers”, said the flyer, are ready and willing to give their religious sermons anytime, whether in schools, offices or mosques.

Here’s the interesting part. The flyer claimed that they can lecture on these following topics:

• Isra’ Mi’raj
• Maulidurrasul (The Birth of The Prophet)
• The Love of Allah
• The Love of The Prophet
• 5 Ways to Achieve Success in Life and the Afterlife
• Pious Children
• Death

et cetera.

The flyer ended with a reminder that roughly translates as:

Know that: Lessons from prepubescent children will grant repentance and stir the heart, Allah-willing

and a note clarifying that those speeches will be free of charge.

What amused me was not the photos of the “little preachers” with their commanding pose of fingers wagging, but rather the topics they cover.

Isra’ Mi’raj and Maulidurrasul are tales easy enough for them to simply memorise and narrate. The love of Allah and The Prophet, and about pious children too, are a bit abstract, but still easy doctrines to ingrain nevertheless.

What about achieving success in life and the afterlife then? Or for that matter, DEATH?

How likely is it that they understand said topics, much less master their depth and intricacies? In the case that they do really know what they are talking about, I can only despair at their lost innocence and childhood.

Don’t I wish to see them in action. Nothing scarier than a bunch of ankle-biters telling me that hell is waiting.

It makes me wonder how many people have seen them just for the novelty or their awesome cuteness.

Wait, if the talks are free, isn’t this unpaid child labour?

Yayasan Mohammad Noah Mosque

Malaysia Says ‘No’ to Rempits, Mak Nyahs and Hantus in Films

Talking about movies, just a few days ago the Information, Communications and Culture Ministry announced a new ruling banning local filmmakers from showing Mat Rempit and men in women’s clothes in their productions:

The directive follows a letter from Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan to the Home Ministry to ban the term “Mat Rempit” in film and TV productions, and to ban scenes showing illegal racing and activities involving Mat Rempit.

Films featuring illegal racing do well at the box office. KL Menjerit and its sequel, KL Menjerit Episod 1, Remp-It and Bohsia are three movies that focus on the life of Mat Rempit and did well at the box office.

Many Malaysian films have at least one scene on Mat Rempit and a man dressed in women’s clothes (not necessarily a transvestite). Hit films that featured a scene or two of Mat Rempit and men in drag are Sifu & Tongga, Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak and Senario The Movie Episod 1. How will this new rule affect the booming local movie industry? Only the filmmakers have the answer.

Just a day after that, JAKIM announced that they’re clamping down on films that focus on horror, myth, superstition and false traditional elements which go against religious teachings:

Such films, dramas and publications have been deemed to be against the aqidah (faith) of the Muslims and violate clear guidelines issued by the religious authority.

Jakim research division director Razali Shahabudin said it would summon all producers and publishers to attend a seminar and present the guidelines as a reminder before the end of the year.

As you can see, this situation has put me in a deep dilemma of moral and principles.

First of all, I detest the current trend of glorifying Mat Rempits all in the name of quick cash (I’m looking at you bastards, Ahmad Idham and Syamsul Yusof) and the gratuitous appearances of mak nyahs in Malay films are certainly disturbing. I also think that the current market for local horror films has been oversaturated, and save for a few excellent movies, most of them are awfully crap (again, quick cash).

However, I am also a staunch opponent of censorship and bans, especially when they come from such moral polices.

My conviction wins this time.

I believe that filmmakers should have the liberty of making films, no matter which subject they choose. It is only with liberty can creativity flourish.

Day by day, Rais Yatim and his ministry are fast annoying the hell out of me with their “old men” attitude and almost totalitarian rulings. Information is about freedom, not restrictions, and definitely NOT about “requests” from the Police and Home Ministry.

Don’t get me started with JAKIM. What rights do they have summoning producers and publishers to attend their seminars? If things don’t go their iron-fisted way, you can count on a fatwa soon:

Jakim also encourages the parties involved to refer matters to them or respective religious authorities including the ulama and mufti before broadcasting or publishing such themes.

Razali said if the problem became serious and a fatwa (decree) had to be issued, Jakim would refer the matter to the National Fatwa Council muzakarah (meeting).

Just stop it with these restrictions and bans and rulings and referring to ulama, mufti and all these bureaucratic bullshit!

Why ban films about Mat Rempit, when police crackdowns on them are so pathetic? Why ban horror films when rip-off, girls-raping bomohs, pawangs and fucking djinn-exorcists get the light of the day?

Dear people in authority, you’re not doing enough and you’re shifting the blame on the filmmakers? Screw you.

* * * * *

Syed Abu Bakar wrote a piece on the matter of this ruling in hocus pocus a few days, ago, but he had mysteriously pulled it down. You can read the cached version here.

He wrote of these people who thrive on hocus pocus:

There is one great conman who practices black magic crap in the name of Islam at his “clinic” in Bangi. The cone head is also a high ranking member of PAS – no. 2 or 3 in PAS. There is also another dumbkoff up north who once said that it was ok to write Arabic writing in a bowl, dissolve the writing in water and then drink the water to improve one’s memory to pass school exams. If I mention his name I can get prosecuted because this dumbkoff occupies an official position whose official pronouncements are protected by law!

Anyone knows of this “clinic”? I’d like to take a look at it. Also, if you practice the reading of writings in the bowl, leave a comment and tell me how it has helped with your SPM or other exams.

Ianya Agak Komplikasi: The Tragic State of Languages in Malaysia

It all started with an earnest Facebook status by the brilliant Zuhairy, my good twin: That status spawned a long discussion in the comments, with a number of people echoing his sentiments, including yours truly.

In the past decade, Malays have been notorious, insisting on using loan words when there exist more beautiful words already in the Malay vocabulary. The government, for instance, has bafflingly adopted the use of word “bajet” for “budget” in place of the previous “belanjawan”.

I think that TV3 is the worst offender of all. One can just listen to Buletin Utama and try to catch them inventing new loan words with no justification every so often. The worst thing is that no one is calling them out, and soon enough, the words get accepted into normal usage.

It was then that I remembered about the Facebook translation project. I used to join the Bahasa Melayu translation project, up until the point I quit because the glossary that has been agreed upon and voted for by the project members is just simply ridiculous.

Want proof?

(click for high res full list)

If you are too lazy to read, here’s a selection of translated words:

• “bid” – “bida”
• “click” – “klik”
• “it’s…complicated” -  “ianya agak komplikasi”
• “privacy” – “privasi”
• “photo” – “foto”
• “record” – “rekod”
• “profile” – “profil”

Whatever happened to “tawaran”, “tekan”, “peribadi”, “gambar” and “rakam”? Most importantly, what the fuck is “ianya agak komplikasi”?! What’s wrong with “rumit”?!

A bit later on, Zuhairy asked me if there is a Malay word for “profile”. I have been wondering the same thing too, so I decided to check on an online Indonesian-English dictionary (simply because I couldn’t find a Malay one, let me know in the comments if you know of any).

“Profile” was translated as…

“Riwayat”.

Hell yeah, pretty bad ass, huh? Much better sounding than wussy “profil”.

* * * * *

Which led me to the next day, with the announcement of PPSMI (or ETeMS: English Teaching in Maths and Science) abolition effective 2012.

Some people might point out that because of the new teaching in English, the people who voted for the translations in Facebook have a horrendous grasp of Malay.

WRONG. The people who voted for the glossary are mostly from the age before that, when teaching was in Malay. So why the crappy Malay?

It’s mindboggling really, but do go take a look in an official Kamus Dewan Inggeris-Melayu (Dwibahasa) by Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka. It’s horribly useless. I was required to have one during high school (boarding school regulations), but frankly I’ve never used it. Instead, I look for the meanings of English words in an English dictionary.

You know why I did that? Because in Kamus Dwibahasa, words like “oxygen” do not translate into “gas yang dibebaskan oleh tumbuhan ketika proses fotosintesis, dan diperlukan oleh haiwan untuk pernafasan” (that’s from the Malay Wikipedia by the way) or something like that.

You look up “oxygen” in Kamus Dwibahasa, you will get “oksigen”:

*FACEPALM*

Updated: 09/07/2009: Zuhairy had so kindly clarified to me that:

…the whole point of bilingual dictionaries is not so much to define a word, but to search for the exact term in the output language.

Trouble is, we’ve borrowed so many loanwords/calques from the english language that most entries in the standard kamus dwibahasa become completely redundant. Especially the technical terms.

Thanks, dude!

John Mayer Killin’ It at “Human Nature”

If you missed the Michael Jackson memorial service yesterday, here’s my favourite guitarist playing my favourite song from my favourite performer:

It’s amazing how he can emote as well with just his guitar. Jaw-dropping.

The Star, the Floating Sejadah and the RickRoll

Seriously The Star, shouldn’t this piece be reserved for Harian Metro, Kosmo and the other hack papers…or at least Utusan Malaysia?:

‘Floating mat’ a sign to people

By SHAHRIL CHE WAN

KUALA TERENGGANU: The Terengganu chief imam has attributed the unusual occurrences at the Crystal Mosque here as a sign of the people distancing themselves from the religion.

Ustaz Azizi Saidi Abdul Aziz described claims that a visitor had seen and photographed prayer mats floating in the mosque as “hardly phenomenal” and people should stop thinking that it was due to genies or ghosts.

Mystifying: This ‘floating mat’ phenomenon occurred at the Crystal Mosque in Kuala Terengganu.

The imam says such occurrences have been reported in Saudi Arabia.

“Such mystifying occurrences have been reported in Saudi Arabia,” he said yesterday.

A woman from Negri Sembilan who visited the mosque had photographed the phenomenon with a mobile phone camera early this month, triggering fear among locals.

Azizi Saidi said the phenomenon could be linked to the lackadaisical attitude of Muslims in the state in performing congregational prayers.

“There is nothing to panic. This is a call to Muslims not to overlook their obligation towards performing prayers together.

“There are umpteen mosques in Terengganu but there is a lack of mosque-goers.

“Some of our mosques lack people even during Friday prayers,” he added.

He said the occurrence was not “bizarre” but should be seen as a miracle that could be considered a sign from the Al-Mighty.

Shame on you Shahril Che Wan for this sensational reporting and UTTER BULLSHIT.

And Azizi Saidi Abdul Aziz, stop making up stories and looking for “signs” that are not there in the first place.

Here are some other reactions to this piece of “news”:

• Hocus Pocus at Crystal Mosque by OutSyed The Box
• You know when… by RantingsbyMM

* * * * *

In other news:

Report on Astley’s ‘death’ is just a prank

KUALA LUMPUR: It would have been considered breaking news if it was true but a local English daily here fell for a prank which reported 1980s pop sensation Rick Astley as being “found dead in a Berlin hotel room”.

The newspaper had sent an SMS alert to its subscribers of the Never Gonna Give You Up singer’s “death”. It also posted the article online. The article had since been removed.

Astley’s “death” was first reported on CNN’s user-generated site, iReport.com, which carried the byline of Liz Sodoti of the Associated Press. The stories submitted by users to the website were not edited, fact-checked or screened before they were posted. Only stories marked “On CNN” were vetted before use in CNN’s coverage.
A check at Astley’s website also came up naught on news of his death. In fact, the 43-year-old is currently on a European concert tour that will end in November.

Oh, guess which local English daily was it?

Yes, it was The Star.

They have since deleted their shame, but here’s an image of my RSS feed:

And you wonder why I don’t read mainstream news anymore.